You try your best, do a good job for ages, and people do not appreciate it. They say that you're a kaypoh. Ok fine, enough is enough. You decide not to be a kaypoh, and just do your own job. Leave other people's job to themselves. And you realise the rapport and respect that you've worked so hard to build up so far, crumbles down in an instant.
Whats the point of working? Whats the point in trying so hard to plan everything nicely, when people just come along and fuck up your planning, and proclaims that there is absolutely no way around it. If you are really down to the last driver to slot into your planning, please enlighten on how i am supposed to find another driver to replace him for his duties? That is so very interesting.
Everyday, I am evolving. I am evolving into something I am not. I am a
thing. When I look at the extent of my change, I scare myself. Maybe my ex-instructors were right all along. I will make a fucked up officer. When I look at the mirror, I detest what I see. I place myself in the shoes of my men, and I hate myself. Everytime I approach them, its not to give welfare, its not to help them, but only for one thing-duties. Worst still, this bastard PC will always make people take last minute duties for him without offering any rewards. People have been burning countless nights out and weekends for you, and all you can say is thank you, thanks a lot. And recently, this bastard PC has a new trick up his sleeve. That is forcing people to hold ticking time bombs in the form of pagers. Once the pager goes off, you have to report in one hour, wherever the fuck you are. And people are already burning saturdays for NDP, and you still make them do it. Like what kind of fucking PC are you.
But there will always be things that they do not see, things behind the scenes. As per last time, after i type this, I will not bring it up again, at least not in the next 3 months, probably never. Even as i type this, i have to keep deleting and retyping, in order not to get into trouble.
I am never someone to run away from problems, never been and never will be. Just that for now, I have run out of solutions, and all this is taking a toll on the other aspects of my life as well. We shall see how it goes, and meanwhile please pardon my short fuse, if you happen to be at the receiving end of it.
